If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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