i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
