just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
