i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
