Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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