Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
