These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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