My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
