i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
