i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
