Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
