You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
