She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
