So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why are your pants in the freezer?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
