My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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