Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
