just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
