the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
