so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
