1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
