I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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