the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
