Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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