i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
