Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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