i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
