so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Who died my cat blue again?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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