After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you win again, gameday.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
