Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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