he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
