I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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