I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
