Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
