I want to have your abortion
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Come see our sink grown plant.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
