She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
