I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Panties = found
Randomize
