Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My liver just had a heart attack.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
