Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
