I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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