It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
