goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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