I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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