brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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