nut hugger
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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