Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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