Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
