we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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