That's intense
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
