You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
