My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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