Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
