You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
