Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
